Good morning!
One of the things we appreciate the most in books, is the character developpement. Our life is like our book, and we also get our very own character arc; I get to think about it from time to time, and I gotta say i’m impressed. Here’s what it looks like.
Related; How I evolved as a book blogger ~ 7 years blogoversary! 🌸 / 2026, The year of self-control
As a teenager, I was pretty quiet. In fact, my very first boyfriend in High school was in my law class, the computer right at my left and he never noticed me! I had sent him a fb message all like “hey! i’m in your law class & I think you’re pretty cute!”, which surprised him as I never spoke 😅 I’m still an inside person to this day, but that was next level!
My self-confidence had always been on the lowest, taking as less space as possible.. growing to really hating myself and fall in a hole of depression & anxiety when I reached 19 years old. I was a grade A student who never spoke up for myself, never did anything wrong. I don’t remember much, but I was really miserable.
Even in my first grown up relationship; I’ve had put it on the account of it being in english (which is my second language). I was definately more mellow, not my usual “bossy” character and never could tell him no. Even when it mattered like when I didn’t felt like having intercourse. I was letting everybody walk over me.
I can’t tell you exactly how it started.. probably a mix of the medication i’m taking making me feel better, which brought more confidence, but somehow my mask started to drop. I’ve been at my workplace for 7yrs now, and was always submissive- never speaking up, doing as I was told always, showing up all sunshine.. up to a point where my boss took me aside and asking me if I was okay, as my character changed. Ofcourse I didn’t knew what she was talking about- that was the phase 1.
Then I got a friendly coworker who really helped me find my voice; which i’m very grateful for her, however, as when we were working together she was always complaining, I grew out to be more complaining/agressive… I started talking back when other coworkers would treat me badly, and start to make complaint when things didn’t go as it should. I start taking my place.. and also got the complaint of my voice being too loud. I didn’t put 2 and 2 together, but it’s true that those complaint only arrived in the recent years.. I had never had that before, in the first years I worked there. Just as I started to really feeling myself and be more confident and use my big voice i’ve been given. (I come in a family where we all talk loudly; not quite yelling, nor mad, just.. loud.)
I’ve always thought of myself not being the adult my younger shelf would’ve wanted.. but thinking about it, I do feel proud of my evolution. I went from someone super shy & uncomfortable in my own skin, to someone who’s more confident and taking her place in the world; not making myself smaller for the others anymore. The only tweaking necessary is defining when I should speak up & when it’s better to say nothing. Not to be a mat to be walked all over, but not to be an asshole either- a good balance.
I also noticed I had been so much more afraid, of everything, before. Now? not so much. Just the other day I was walking to my car with my friend and there was a big machinery in our way to our car getting the snow away in another truck. I went “heck guys im coming this way anyway.” — didn’t get crushed, I waited for them to go away a bit; but i’m definately more in a “fight me bitch” mode instead of being constantly afraid.