Our fear of the 30s

Growing up, we don’t exactly know how our adult life is going to be.. most, if not all of us, get this fear approaching the 30s. The fear of missing out on life, the fear of not being a good enough adult. The fear that we are way under society’s norm of what we should’ve had accomplished.

For one, they didn’t tell my generation that our end of 20s’ will be lost to a pandemic- and for me, I also lost the start of my 20s to anxiety and depression.. so it does feel at times like i’m a decade later than my peers, and I missed on so much carefree « fun » partying.

I’ve got a LOT of identity crisis this year, as can be found on my blog, but it’s getting even worst as my birthday is fast approaching- only 2 months away!

Many other adults have confirmed we’re still young! We have loads of time in front of us to find love, create a family, or even go back to study if that’s what we want. I also know we each have a different timeline, things will go by their own pace to what’s right for us .. but still.

❌ While I finished my studies, I didn’t pursue them- I’m only working as a barista (I did 2yrs of accounting at college)
❌ I don’t have my own place
❌ No boyfriend, no kids

However, while all of this is correct, I can say that I can live comfortable enough- there’s no bad jobs, someone had to do it, and for the most part i’m happy. Working there so many years now, it’s comfortable, I know exactly what i’m doing and a good lot of our regulars are lovely.

I live with my parents, but I also take care of my mother when in times of needs- She stay home on disability pay, so what I give them is needed to cover more expenses. Arguably it would cost less in food if I wouldn’t be here but I digress. She has company while my dad travels for work, I have a babysitter & her car to go to work, both parties are winning in this exchange; No way I would be able to afford even an appartment on my own, you need to be atleast two nowadays.

I have three beautiful ball of fur, two of which absolutely saved my life when I hit rock bottom. Although starting on my own would be cheaper without them, I simply would not be here otherwise. I would give them my life 100%.

It’s such a wierd age.. having a best friend having her own house, a 2 year old toddler- and not being able to say the same. I don’t even know what I wanna do with my life still; I didn’t thought this far in life… illnesses made me not planning for the future, so now i’m regretting my high school years- teenager me really could’ve made better decision. Despite being a grade A student, I could’ve taken math more seriously for exemple. True I can go back to study more, but the fact that I still need my high school report card over 10years after is wierd to me, do they even keep the records?!

Dating-wise doesn’t look any better than in my 20s.. but now everybody got kids (not for me), and looks so much like mens!! I gotta keep reminding myself i’m 30 now, but man they look old! Though I got lucky on that one, good genetics that I barely even look like I have 20 😂 but you know what I mean? It’s a jump!

For my friends past this age, do you have any tips for me? I know it gets better past this point on, but what would’ve you had liked to know at my age?