The becoming of a Grinch..

Theres this rambling, atleast once every year for the holidays, of me being a grinch. Here it is folks!

Have I ever loved Christmas? I assume so.. when I was a small child that loved the presents, although that meant being gifted dresses & clothes, reunited with my 20+ relative (we were 20 grandchildren & 20 grand-grand children last year) – eating Christmas supper in the living room with the kids, the adult being sat at 3 big tables in the kitchen.

If you asked me, I’d tell you it started when I got 12 and we moved 3hrs away. Or maybe around 16 when my mother got sick and some of our extended family looked down on us for being lower-middle class.

In all honesty, I don’t remember. Even if the holidays are a combo of xmas, my bday and new year; I can’t say I particularly love them- and haven’t for a good while now.

Traditions are out the window since we moved out, meteorologic conditions not always being favourable to travel as long a drive with snow & ice. Current day, all family houses are gone.. my mother’s mother sold her house to stay in the woods, my dad’s mother house is still there but she’s no longer present- my aunt own it still but nobody goes anymore.

Gifts are not as fun as when I was a child, as for now instead of waiting for months, I have the means to buy it myself 🤷🏽‍♀️ Not knowing what I want when my parents asks me, I give them a list of things I need but dont wanna buy for a reason or another 🤣 that had been coats & boots for such a long time! Ahah

I’ve attended my first family christmas supper since a good while, atleast since i’m legal aged. Both because we haven’t been invited much (covid didnt helped) and also because i’ve been working when it occured.

It was so wierd to be included as an adult, even offered wine and talking space! The last christmas memories I cling to was that last one as a child before we moved.. Ofcourse im aging like the rest of us humans, but it never really occured to me that i’d be part of the grown-ups one day yknow?

While I’d force myself to read festive books- either romance or horror, I don’t feel anything in particular. Saying I hate Christmas would be a stretch (thought I do hate xmas songs, i CANT stand them!), but I’m numb. I don’t feel anything.

It doesn’t bother me too much to be working all threes- as they’re just regular days anyway. Just with hyped up tips from jolly customers.

Have you ever felt like this too?

Are you a festive reader and/or a xmas fanatic? Do you have traditions?