The power of love \\ Sharing my story of taking care of my mother

Good Morning,

This post is a *tiny* bit late for Valentine’s Day, although it’s not the Romantic kind of love that is usually celebrated on this holiday; Today we will be speaking of family love, but more precisely between Mother & Daughter, based on my experience.

**Vague spoiler alert for “Very Nearly Normal“, as the end of the book really had myself relate with the situation Effie had been thrown into — Although I didn’t quite had the choice to stay or not as it was, indeed, my own mother and not a lover.

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Related, where I spoke about Mother’s kidney transplant; “A special Sunday 💚“

 

As a little backstory here, in case you are just hopping in on this – My mother has pretty much always been “sick” since I was a kid.. but I was either not aware of what it was, or the doctors didn’t knew either. It was only when we moved into our new town in 2009 that it was stated that she had indeed a Kidney Failure and that they were going to keep losing efficiency overtime and there was nothing we could do about it.

 

2012 is when the drop got significantly low enough that dialysis could be given (Kidneys must be under 15% of their capacity); I was still in high school then, on my senior year, when mom went for her first of many surgeries.

She went to get a tube/catheter inserted in her belly so she could use the peritonial dialysis; a form that is do-able at home, where you insert a 2L bag of saline water into the peritoine (membrane between the skin & what protects your organs) that must be done ~4times a day for 30mins each. It had been established then that it would’ve been my role to take care of her, as dad’s role was to work for the household’s funds.

While I KNEW what the surgeries was and what they did, I will always remember the first day that I came to change her bandage .. It was a shock to see that tube come out of her and I got a bit light-headed the first time. Wether you are the one getting it or seeing it on a loved one, you can never be prepared enough for this; but I had it stuck in my head that I needed to be stronger and not show her how much it affected me, as I needed to take care of her.

 

For three years, I had the little nurse role (from 17-20 years old). She went through all the three kind of dialysis: perionial, peritonial but on a night machine, and hemodialysis aswell as gotten 7 or 8 surgeries in total.

While it was not as intensive as it sounds, I was in charge of changing bandages & cleaning wounds, clean her skin from the surgery dye and help her change, sit, get up, etc. on the days after the surgeries. Then she got the transplant – as of which I was then again asigned to the same roles again, but this time the surgery had been done while the nurses was on streak … so the wound was so infected it smelled like death. Despite not having any knowledge in that field, I was definately better at doing bandages than most nurses mom has gotten. She even got ignored when she told them it was hurting and burning on the Catheter in the heart artheries ; turns out we almost lost her when the infection did hit badly.

 

The chaotic road we passed through wasn’t a easy one, and it’s probably one of thoses things that ended up having a bad effect on my mental health on the long run — but never would’ve I traded her for the world. If anything, I would’ve rather have it instead so I wouldn’t see her suffer and pass through all of this while I couldn’t do anything about it, but playing the nurse.

I’ve always been mama’s girl, but this probably straightened our bonds even more – It’s rare that I even go anywhere without her xd and that’s not all because I need her to drive or because I don’t have much friends.. We’ve just always been with each other. I like being in her company as we can talk about ANYTHING; in fact, we joke around about sex all the time, there’s nothing taboo with us.

Although i’ve “grown” and don’t really “need her” to take care of me anymore, she still does, but so do I. While it’s not in the same way anymore, as the bandages are gone since she gotten her new kidney & no more surgeries, I support her a bit financially (aswell as buy her anything she wants, whenever) and I keep her company plus help with little things here and there that she might need.

 

I can imagine i’m being judged by others because i’m still living at home at 25 – but hey, I just couldn’t picture myself separated from her. Plus, it’s a win-win as we help each other out when needed, and I get a babysitter for my weeins so they’re never truly alone 😅And now that i’m in the process of getting my beginner, I can drive her to the hospital if anything were to happen while dad is gone for the week, or even just be the one driving around so she can take pictures.

Almost losing her many times really make things onto perspective. Of course none of us is immortal.. and I know that, but with all the time we “lost” because she was so sick on dialysis – it’s kinda nice to finally be able to stay close and do so many things until then.