Trichotillomania’s curves
Good morning!
It’s been a while since we spoke on this issue; i believe last time I told y’all I had a big ‘ol nude spot on the entire top of my head, and that I had been shaving my head.
Related; Shaving my head w/ tricho, Tricho awareness.
One of the big problem of tricho, is that it comes in waves.. I can start to get better, and then my brain goes into “oh yeah!” And start again with the picking 🤦🏽♀️For me, it starts with the itching due to an ingrown hair, or few hairs per foliculed, and then I become obsessed. I literally cannot stop myself from scratching and plucking- it goes on, and on, and on,… until I realize I have a big chunk missing.
I feel like the thermal burn I got on my left hairline also doesn’t help as my skin get textured & itches.. cue in the obsession and picking.
The second bad part is ofcourse how obvious this is- it’s right there on my head, for all to see. Working with customer service, i’m SO thankful people usually shut up- compliment on my hair cut, or hair growth. It only had happened once where a guy asked; but it’s because he said he was bald young and thought I also had it. When I shovered it into “anxiety related”, he passed me his compassion as he is also a sufferer. Not where I thought it was gonna go, but not a bad experience.
At first I had just been shaving my head to “factory reset” but then, the obsession didn’t went away… so I kept shaving. Mother also help me by plucking the ingrowns I can’t see. Hair has been growing, and plucked again in another wave 🤦🏽♀️ one of these days i’m gonna be able to stop shaving and let them grow.. hopefully.
Not only does it make my scalp breathe better, but it also helps applying products; I rinse in rubbing alcohol, apply vaseline & silver gel mainly. My last really bad wave I had the whole top of my head naked!! I still can’t believe how good it grows.. now It’s only two balls-like areas remaining at the top, aswell as two circles on the side of my head.
It’s such a hard condition, as it’s way more than “just stop!!”. I need my fix, and I obsess over it. I love the little prickle pain of the pulling and looking at the hair I took out. While I know better, that my beauty isn’t defined by my tricho, that it’s apart of my story and it’s fine to get it pictured.. some days are harder than others. Why can’t I just stop and let it regrow??