Why do I write? 🖤
It’s a “known” fact that most of us bloggers do write, or wanna write; for most of us, it’s fan fictions, poems, or even stories we’d love to eventually see as a novel.
For me? No, nothing like that .. I write mostly for myself, though don’t get me wrong, I will show a close friend or Alex if they’re willing to read it!
However, my texts are not written for them. My writing is mostly in times where my anxiety or depression decide to flare up; in which I lay on the paper all that cross my mind. At times, the words I lay on the pages are cheerful, positive words that I need to hear and take conscience of. I can’t tell you where thoses words come from in times like this, but somehow they do.
Other times however, darkness come to light and it is so much more depressive and crude or maybe “harsh” to read; But thoses are probably what is the most needed to get out, so I don’t get poisoned by it on the inside. I may even formulate them in a kind of «letter to someone» or poetry looking.
And after i’ve spit on the page all that I needed to spat, i feel so much better. My chest feels lighter. My head stops the spinning of words that hurt me so much. Everything is back to being peaceful and I can go to sleep; as most of it usually happen at night – that never ending spiral that suck you up so much you cannot fall asleep, and keep rewinding the tape over and over.
I am not afraid to let my heart speak; to just go ahead and let it take the wheel over my brain and allow it to write/type what it needs to and only after it’s on the page to take conscience of what I have written. My hand just machinally write thoses words on automatic and it’s just the most freeing action ever!
I’ve used to share them on my personnal tumblr, Kafeixo, but then moved to paper in a almost filled notebook. Because sometimes, not everything need to be seen by everyone ; though as I said, I don’t mind sharing with people who wanna see.
Now with this blog, it often happens on other occasions aswell. I’d write a conversation post or anything that I have a strong feeling about, and the same process take over me; though on this case it is less cheerfulness and how I feel inside and all, but my thoughts about that subject in specific.
I get to really go deep about what I am passionate about. To let my brain ramble and go as far as it wants ! With no one insulting me for it – and even sometimes agreeing with me.
Blogging is hard work, and I won’t tell you all my posts is like that every times – that’d be false advertisement. However, I find thats why I like it so much. It’s my own window where I can speak freely with everything I have, and even communicate with other people! It’s all good to write it down, yes, but it’s even better if a community can respond to you and agree – or even just give you some food for thoughts you never even thought about upon writing it!
And that’s the beauty of blogging, to me.
I had stored this in my draft sometime in October ; when it was still blogoween and I couldn’t post it.
I decided to reread and touch up a few things and show you it today. It isn’t related to anything “per say”, but I am somehow really proud of this:
- On one extend, you have a solution for others who can relate to me; to write down whatever bothers you, public or not is up to you. On paper, nobody but yourself can judge you. You can even burn it afterward if you really want nobody to see it!
- On another, you get what I really dearly love about blogging. Which, who knows, may be that needed push for a new blog to come alive! All of us probably had that uncertain moment before we took the plunge..
- And finally; this is me. Of course we cannot lay everything out for the world to see, as I believe it isn’t safe nor healthy. But this “speech” post come from the deepest of my soul, and I just wanted to share that with you. Period.
Hopefully that kinda different post of mine would’ve been a nice thing to read for you and you enjoyed it!
Mental illnesses and my “soul” will always be welcome on my blog, even if it doesn’t really fit ahah! Feel free to reach to me if anything is going on that you’d like to share to someone – i’ll listen.
Kristina xx
And you, why are you writing? Would you enjoy more posts like this?