Bullet Journaling with anxiety

Sometimes, my anxiety make it a little nightmare to do my monthly pages.. Even worst, it pushes me into doing them and stress about them not being ready “in time” two weeks-ish before the end of the month (As it’s when I get my schedule for the last 2weeks of said current month)

I love to write about how my anxiety personally affect things; I made a little serie about blogging with anxiety, aswell as reading with anxiety. I’ve also mentionned my little problem with habit trackers already.

I had been meaning to start a Bujo for quite a while, admirably looking at other’s pretty spreads, though It took me so long to start my own because of the sole idea that I’m not an artistic person. My brain made the stupid rule that it had to be pretty, or done a specific way.. when that’s not the point at all- the point being for it to be useful for you.

However; I do get moody whenever I do my pages.. For things like a splurge of ink, or messing up a drawing, or even for making a writing mistake. Whenever I mess up and have a little imperfect “ugly” detail, I get overwhelmed and feel the need to start crying and rip the page — I’m trying to get pass this, but it’s very hard, i’m training myself to just go with it and try to fix it or do something else over it. It’s okay.

Another false idea that my anxiety liked to cling to, is the idea that somehow it needs to be ink only?? I started exploring and experiencing in the month’s back, but it’s so hard for me to do collages or even put stickers and washi tapes in my Bujo. Though I don’t own that much of thoses, but still. 

Mother LOVES to just imput things inside hers that’s not even glued to anything, she just store little papers and things and close the leuchtturm notebook with the elastic (something that I never do- I leave mine open constantly to “remind” to write) ; Which make it super bulky and deformed.. which again it looks so pretty and nice in other’s, but I can’t seem to allow myself to do the same 😅

My anxiety is stuck on wanting everything to be looking prestine and perfect, even if this is just a tool for myself – where I’d write a little of my days, what I buy, when I finished books, When I write what posts/plan them, etc.

Are you experiencing the same intern battle as me?
What else can trigger your anxiety?