“But- you don’t look like you have anxiety/depression”
Related post; The face of anxiety/depression
Thoses are some words that one of my coworkers told me when they saw me take my meds one evening, “Ah- but you don’t look like you have anxiety or depression. You’re always so happy!”.
Now we know this is a brain illness, so much so that we don’t always wear this condition on the outside. Either we have better/good days, or the way that we spiral into our crisis are more internally. In a way that nobody could know upon first glance that you are hitting rock-bottom, as only your mind is spinning, while keeping a rather calm face on the outside. Panic attacks aren’t always hyper-ventilating, depression isn’t always crying.
To me, this sentence has a two-side meaning. We know i’ve been taking my medication for about 7years now.. so i’m WAY better than I was all thoses years ago, thanks to them. Upon hearing this sentence, the first thing I felt was the “positive” side. As of which would be that because of the help of the medication, I can pass as “normal” to others’ eyes.. aswell as having mostly good days- the bad ones being fewer & rarer.
But then, the more negative side of this hit me.. it can feel as if we’re over-looking your disorder. As if you’re not really believed, because you look so good, Surely you can’t be anxious or depressed! While we’re having more and more people with thoses mental illnesses, people don’t quite grasp the idea of what it is & what it do, still.
Usually thoses saying thoses things aren’t meaning it as “bad”, ithink they’re just surprised how happy people can be depressed too. Depending on the situation, you may keep it even though you’re fully recovered – I still prefer to keep my label of having anxiety & depression, even though my bad days feels rarer & rarer now.. because Iknow that if we were to stop my meds, I would most probably fall into the same hole again.
It feels eerie even for myself.. Though iknow thoses are real memories, and I do remember how I felt at my rock-bottom all thoses years ago; I somehow can’t believe I was so deep in the gutter either..
Ugh I hate that mindset completely. Someone had the audacity to ask if I had BRAIN PROOF from a scan. 💀 (I’m uninsured, lmao. Also how does that work???).
I’m glad you’re seeing more improvements! *sends good vibes*
What the actual- .. yes, okay, i’ve read that something different light up in a depressive/anxious brain Vs a normal one but like 🤔 Do you really think thwy go and just- blow it all up like that?
I think my coworkers would believe me if I said I had anxiety. Or maybe they think it’s just the constant stress. My parents didn’t realize which I found surprising. I feel like it’s so obvious. But I do hide a lot of internal thoughts and I am an emotional person in general. I just don’t think people realize how bad it is. I also feel weird saying I have anxiety as I only speak with a therapist (who can’t diagnose me) and not a psychologist. But it also makes me feel better to have a name to a thing I’ve felt for years and years. I’ve actually thought this way about someone else who happened to have an anxiety attack and needed to go home early. She literally is the nicest, happiest person I’ve ever met but you can never truly know what’s going on in a person’s mind.
Yes- once we have a name for it, it all feels so liberating!! You can also research about it & find more people like you too.
My mother was there helplessly with one of my worst crisis, so she knew (she helped get my cousin helped, as she reported to my aunt I did the same); but my dad didn’t quite believed it until quite a while afterward..
That is very true, we can’t know for sure. Though now I do see the red flags in others, as Iknow what I went through.