Feeling good.. while still noticing yourself sinking

Mental health is not an easy task to fix; we know that – it might take alot of juggling between medication or new habits or a mix of all of them for it to work on you specifically. The brain is one complex organ that not quite act the same for anyone else.

Adding onto the problem specific settings like winter time, which is the most depressing time of the year because of lack on sun & cold, or a global pandemic that restrict what you are able to do or where you can go.

I’ve personally started being medicated it’s been roughly 5years now; although i’ve switched medications and upped them a few times to end up on the dose that i’m currently sitting at. And I know it works because I feel ~mostly~ good, and while i’ve seen and been told all over the place that «You can’t be the same person you were before the meds happen.. because you’re not», I’ve got the surprise to see rising character’s trait that I had lost probably since my teenage years!

They are mainly traits that had been given to me by my dad’s DNA (as he got them too- mom says I’m exactly like him); so it’s still roots of who I am, sadly, but I honestly wasn’t eager to get them back – although I agree they can be good in certain setting.

When I thought that depression and anxiety made me more calm, and less reactive.. my reactivity came back. I’m surfing on emotions again, which mostly are sadness & anger, so you can see how this can be mostly negative – except in the state where you stand your ground in the workplace for something you believe in (like how you should be treated). I got from enduring without saying a word to speak up and state how I feel about them, loudly and clearly. They don’t always cross the “Think before speaking” stage though.. it just slips right through my lips – which I need to learn how to control.

Even my mother has noticed that i’ve changed, and became part of how I was when I was younger.. but as i’ve been there before, I also know the signs of sinking;

• Despite knowing I can talk to my mother & bestfriend, I still feel moments of loneliness; and thinking that “Nobody even care”.. Yes, even toward my blog – what I post or even what I say sometimes.
• Lost of interrest in some hobbies; like how I don’t particularly feel like reading lately, but still pushing through it nonetheless
• Lost of creativity for blog posts; mixing with the “lost of interest”, my already-poor creativity is really struggling lately..
• Despair toward my life choices/work schedule

As my mother says alot when we talk about it « Everybody feels the same nowadays, with the Covid »; and while yes, I do know that Covid is really hard on all of us (like winter season, mostly), the fact that I know it doesn’t really help me feeling better now.

I’m at a cross-path, and I have absolutely no idea what I should do now.. What do I do about this? Do I just keep enduring hoping it won’t come worst? As i do need a new prescription for my meds anyway, Ithink i’m gonna ask my doctor to up my meds a little and see if that works.

I know the signs, my signs, and I noticed them .. but in time of covid, what do you do with that? I’m already on medication, and the fact that I became like my younger self after so many years clearly show me that they aren’t inefective — some other way of feeling better is harder to get now, because of Covid that restrict what we can do and when .. mixed with the fact that I work Tue/Sat from 1-9pm; and most things are weekly only and ends at like 4 or 5pm 🤦🏽‍♀️