Friendship? How do I do that?

Morning!

Sometimes, I do be disliking the way I am.. We all know how much harder it is to make friends as an adult unless you’re a super extroverted person iguess?. Though I’m working with the public, I am fine with not engaging in small talk all the time and am more reserved and quiet (unless you are one of my favorite. Then I become a chatterbox)

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I got the priviledge of getting my bestfriend, who’s my soulmate, early on in life.. though it’s also a disadvantage. We’ve been with each other for about twenty years; her being a year older than me, she claims of remembering how we got in eachother’s life… but I don’t 😅 To me she’s just always been there as far back as I remember.

For years we’ve been the only constant in each other’s life; I was there when she was bullied in school, and she was there when I was deep in depression and anxiety. We survived so many things, including me moving 3hrs away from her & my hometown. Always been glued together, Though living apart- I always feel like she’s with me all the time. We chat everyday and talk alot, though it’s rare that we get to actually physically be with each other because of work and life in general. Creating and keeping any relationship need work and will put in; but with her it just feels natural. Though I give my all and do the same work to keep it, it doesn’t feel like i’m “working” at all.

The “bad news” in this is.. I could never get any other friendships like we have. I find it hard to get friends, as it never sticks around and they seems to grow away from me — This is the only bond that I created that is so incredibly stong.. and truthfully I have no idea how I even made it 😅 (Definately need a strong will in both parties though, which is what lacks in today’s society.. genuine people.)

 

I always had problems making friends, even growing up. In elementary school I had her, ofcourse, but as she was a year older I had to be alone for a whole year. The friends that I made weren’t the best of people, let’s say.. one guy was even really toxic where he just kept putting me down and had to be better than me in everything. It took me literal years and many tries to finally get rid of him 😬

Moving away from “my people”, it was even worst. I felt like I didn’t belonged anywhere; the crowd i’ve been growing together with at school for 9years had forgotten me, and the new bunch of kids that I spent my 4 years of high school with didn’t really cared about me at all either. My personality does feel at fault here; as I never was programmed to go to people and trying to make friends.. instead, I sneaked out to the library to read and be left alone. Now i’m thankful that I didn’t really had any bullying done (But for that one time where it was a former bestfriend before I moved.. which is even worst imo because they have all the ammunitions they need to hurt you), but people really just ignored me altogether. I was a bit of a wierdo & outcast.. but atleast nobody really bothered me for it 🤷🏽‍♀️

 

Fastforward to now; In the middle of a global pandemic & at 27 years old.. needless to say that I have no idea how to even find & create friendships. The people that I do find ironically are online, where they be literally in the other side of the world.

I had a very good friend in high school; though we stopped talking soon after our first year outside of it.. she got a boyfriend and a much higher education that I didn’t have- and it didn’t seemed like she was putting in the effort as I did. I made a friend when I was working at the bakery of a grocery store; for a year or two we were fine together.. but again, she had 2kids and after changing workplace, it kind of fell apart again.

Now, I made a few friends at my current workplace that i’ll be leaving.. and i’m kinda scared about that too. Not working at the same place makes things much more difficult, and evidently after a while people just stop trying — though i’ll try my best to keep in touch with them, aswell as our French Class we were having with two other coworkers.
The one that I have more of a deep connection with, just being raised the same despite our different culture, would most probably be moving away in a different province.. that also put more strains on friendships.

 

I’ve tried things like tinder, that rallies people locally.. though I can’t say it was any more successful 🥲  Most of them not really wanting to talk with people, chasing after one night stands and drifting away after a given time, noticing how reluctant I am to meet with them in a short period of time. (As i’m always more comfortable doing so after much talking.. anxiety reck that is scared of everything).

And hitting up with customers that I like at work and trying to pursue further is wierd and hard too.. like what if they don’t really care as much as I do, and don’t wanna know me better. I can’t get myself to ask for they’re socials or asking to be friends or something. Not to say how you can’t tell nowadays if someone is your age range or not 🙃 I do be looking much younger than 27, while some people be looking like young adults at 17; and we don’t really want that.

 

 

How do you make friends as an adult?
Have any tips for me?