Usually, our first time experiencing a panic or anxiety attack is the one we remember the most- mainly because we don’t necessarely know what’s going on within our body and we tend to see it as having a heart attack instead.
Today, I wanna share with you what I thought was my first attack & how I reacted.. but also what was really my first one upon really thinking about it.
What I thought was my first attack;
We are in 2014 & I am 19 years old; I just graduated from college in accounting last june, and we are in December. This had been my first job ever, but also the first paid one in my field. It was a new franchise of a “renovation after sinister” business, and sadly I hadn’t gotten any support at all as the owner wasn’t knowledgeable in accounting, and the accountant had other clients to go to. I was left completely alone in a big office where people came and went in the back, and our neighbor kept banging in the wall.
I had endured way more than I could, being already passed my limit and I had to get out of there ASAP. I would literally start crying as soon as I entered the door- but then recoup myself and thought that “Oh, it isn’t this bad..” — So I had finally told my boss I was leaving, to which he told me he’d try to get someone as soon as possible; got me someone at the end of the week.
The whole week I had explained to this other girl as much as I could, with the small knowledge I had- because fresh out of college and I hadn’t been trained. just shoved there- And I had called him to know how much he wanted me to pay them and yada yada, that was suppose to be my last day. Well, he basically laugh at my face saying that I couldn’t because “You didn’t gave me 2weeks” (which news flash isn’t mandatory, just prefered). I remember being sat at the desk’s chair with her beside me and hyperventilating-like breathing, aswell as crying uncontrollably. Don’t ask me how I knew, but a voice in my head told me it was a panic attack.
Bonus; The day ended that the boss came by to sign the cheques, as of which he was late. I waited until the end, and gave him my key saying that I was done and I won’t be coming back- I was crying. He basically laugh at my 19yo crying self- and I left. For months, I had been TERRIFIED that they were gonna come grab me from home to go to work by force..
In reality;
With a step back, I realised my first attack had been WAY much earlier in my childhood. I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but we were at one of my older cousin’s wedding. My parents were with me, and somehow my grandmother on the other side of the family (so my mom’s) was there too.
We were in the reception room after the wedding, and I had a can of crush pop. I don’t recall everything, but I went somewhere and took a sip when I came back.. but the pop had been replaced by tea from my grandmother- I still don’t understand the why behind her actions..- and I just broke into a huge scene and crying. I vividly remember my “overboard” reaction from the surprise of not finding pop i my can, but I never understood why it had done that.
Now tell me; When was your first, and how did it go?