My fight with trichotillomania
Hello everyone,
It’s been a while that we talked MH over here.. something that I had shared over in discord, once or twice, was how I’m now struggling with trichotillomania.
In case you are unaware of what the word means, it’s a disorder where a person would pull out their own hair/eyebrow/eyelashes.
Something that I’d have shared in my other MH posts about anxiety, is how one of my “irks” related to the disorder would be my love of scratching and pulling.
I am just now piecing 2 and 2 together, as I honestly thought it had just started, but no it has actually been a tangent for quite a while for me – but just in a different way. I would get those pulling transe, usually before bed or even while i’m concentrating on reading. For years it would be content with pulling eyebrows, or even other’s of they let me.
It’s just a few months ago that it evolved to actually pulling out my own hair. The trigger for that had been little bumps that showed up on my scalp, that I wanted to scratch off; it also took the appearence of a bunch of hair coming from the same follicle and being itchy. The dangerous part of this, I don’t need tweezers, I can just pluck them with my own hands- although my nails on thumb & forefinger sorta cave on themselves with overuse.
While a small amount of the second type can still be found, it just evolved into a habit. I always had liked scratching and pulling scabs, so that didn’t help, and i’d continue mindlessly as I would be reading. It’s somehow restraint in two areas of my head: one tiny spot behind my head, and one on my left side- the patch started just over my ear. Very visible spot, which is now growing and less visible, as I moved higher around my temples. Currently, I barely have any left eyebrow aswell, as it’s the main one that i’m “attracted to”.
Now the problem trying to solve this, I don’t particularly feel anxious. Nothing major changed lately, and I am already medicated. While I now see it was hidden and something that was already there, it slowly progressed into this bigger problem I don’t really know how to get rid of.
I’ve tried getting a fidget toy in the form of a dog shaped stress ball type thing; but as I use it in bed, before sleep or while reading, it’s kinda difficult for me to use in this setting. Mother is also using the method of asking me what i’ve done and how ugly it is.. but that also doesn’t work 😅 she’d tell me to stop when she catches me, but I just ignores her.
Were you aware of trichotillomania before?
Do you have any tips for me ?