Reading struggles; lack of imagination
*Usually* when you’re an avid reader, and furthermore if you’ve been one since childhood, it tends to be coming with a big imagination – as we do need to visualize in our heads what’s going on between the pages, so that makes sense, right?
Well.. what does happen when you actually have a lack of imagination?
In my case, though it never came out in any creative outlet watsoever, I do remember having much more imagination than I do now: I remember creating all of those games in my head playing alone in the pool and everything..
For me, my lack of imagination comes from the trauma my anxiety & depression created. My major breakdown being as young as 19, I sadly can’t remember much of my childhood- which sadly includes all of those books ive read prior. I’ve had books in my shelves that despite knowing I had indeed read them.. I have absolute no recollection of them, just a leftover of how I think I felt about them.
What does it mean, reading wise?
For one, despite being fully bilingual, reading in english does takes more from me.. so i’m an even slower reader than usual- even worst when it’s a different english than Can/US english, as I bug out on different words that I had never seen before and don’t know the meaning. Which mean I have to stop and find out what it means; easy on ebooks, but a extra step for physical books.
It also means that some genres are out of range for me, as I don’t have the capacity to adapt the long definition to a clear view in my head.. as it is something that bugs me to not be able to see things and escape when i’m reading- it just isn’t fun that way. Some genres that I struggle more with are fantasy, magical realism, etc.
Lastly, this doesn’t makes my life easier for audiobooks either. I do need a specific tone of voice/way of speaking for me to be able to listen to it on longer period of time — but furthermore, I never really know if my brain is recording what I listen to before the very end.. and I always fear that i’m gonna do something too “conscious” and completely zap out of what’s being told to me 😳
Is this your case too?
What are you specially struggling with reading?