Reading through «Sounds fake but okay», I felt like sharing my own story and my own “lightbulb moment”. I got feelings aswell as thinks to say, so let me vent them to you!
also feel free to do the same in the comments, please?
While I don’t quite openly say i’m Ace on top of the roofs just yet, I’ve started to incorpore it a but more. Keep reading more books, nonfiction or not, about the topic aswell as putting the label in my dating profiles bio. Seeing how I feel with that label, slowly making my mind.
Related; being ace in a hypersexual society / Books that helped me figure out my sexuality
As most, I assume, I was also a late bloomer. All through primary school, I had that crush on the same boy for 8years. Problem, he was popular and I wasn’t, so it didn’t ended too well. I was writing him notes at lunch and everything 🫣 However he had always been nice to me, albeit younger me got laughed at often.
In high school, I spent my time crushing on different boys.. the crush changing like way too much- like I didn’t wanted to actually pursue them? Anyway the boys I liked didn’t liked me back & was again in different circles than mine (me being the « wierd one », but thankfully ignored instead of bullied). I got one relationship in my senior year with a guy a year younger than me.. it lasted a big ol’ 3months 😂 While I did touched him, nothing more happened- and I found that wierd AF. Ithink it was mainly just because his friend group was harrassing us like « so you guys had sex yet? » that we did it, it wasn’t steamy in any way shape or form.
i’d say it started clicking for me around my mid-20s.. I don’t remember what specifically, but it was something I had been reading off tumblr (like for ADHD and possibly autism spectrum?)- They were writing “just asexual things” for aces and written by aces… and man, did I related to that too.
I got my longest & first relationship with a guy around this point, I can’t say what came first. We stayed a year together and i’m pretty sure he cheated on me as he gave me something that ‘magically appeared’ one day in the middle of our relationship.. 🤨 Anyway- the sexy time with his never was pleasant at all.. felt more like a chore, I wasn’t feeling anything AND he wasn’t pre-heating the oven too well if you get my draft.. i once touched based to him about my being ace and he textually told me I couldn’t be ace as I got horny once in a while 🤦🏽♀️ and that guy hand been telling himself demisexual.
The kicker is; turns out I do feel horny sometimes.. but i’m so not used to that I simply ignore it! Most times it will happens before I go for a nap, so I just turn off my brain- without even “manually shutting it off”. Really just ignoring it. So i’m kind of in hot water here as I definately don’t know what to do with that feeling! 😅
I also don’t understand how sexual attraction works. In my head it’s intrinsically intertwined with feelings- how my friend that I liked could get a boner because he saw his kink (which happened to be into pregnant woman) ? Blasphemy! That made me feel so hurt, which I got to realize was because I couldnt understand it. Sure, I can tell you this person is attractive, or aestically pleasing to look at, but not to the point where I’d get an instant boner – even if I could.
* When people claim sexual desire or their “needs” to excuse cheating.. i even less understand. Can’t you guys just not act on them? Can’t y’all not control yourself like we’re able to? 🤨 That makes absolutely no sense to me.
My fear would be that my asexuality would be synthetic.. I mean that i’ve been on the contraception pill since I was 16 due to high ‘im-on-the-ground-painful’ periods, and I started antidepressants at 20; so I can’t actually tell you if it’s a medication side effect or if they’re just not there. I can just tell you I didn’t experienced any before.. but again I was wuite young so I couldve been a late bloomer too.
* When shipping fictional characters, I always did what might be called “disney shipping”. In my head, there’s never sexual intercourse involved- I do want them together, but just the romance part of things! That being said, I’m just starting to broaden my horizons to eroticas too, but that’s just not what I picture.
* added onto the post after publishing
This sounds very similar to my experience. My crushes are more about being close to people than sexual attraction. I get horney once in a blue moon and don’t act on it more than maybe reading steamy fanfiction lol
Ahah happy to know we’re not alone!
Not at all! I think it’s actually a fairly common experience.
True! However sometimes people are not really inclined onto sharing it- as it’s not really what society portrays we should feel
That’s very true. Thank you for sharing your story!
It’s funny how much we seem to have in common. I am also ace though where we differ is that I am aroace. I have never wanted to have any kind of romantic relationship and have always been disgusted and repulsed by any and all things sexual. I also like my fictional romances/ships to be Disney-like or even better Ghibli-like. I don’t know if you’ve seen Ghibli movies but their romances are an ace’s dream as it’s pretty much completely focused on emotional intimacy and how two characters connect and make each other into better people. It’s really beautifully done in all of their films.
Wow what are the odds?
Oh yes, first time I see that one- but it makes sense! I’m reminded of that scene in howls moving castle where he’s way overdramatic and she pushes him to stop 😂
I’m so proud of you Kristina!!!!! 😍😍😍 I don’t really know what I like either. I don’t think I’m ace, because I feel romantic feelings for both guys and girls which is new territory for me. I tried convincing myself that I was straight, but the older I got, the more curious I became. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend so this is something I’ll have to navigate when/if I start dating. I guess I can say I’m bi-curious?? 😅 One of my best friends is asexual and it took her years to figure out. She’s happy with her boyfriend and they’re living together now. I didn’t know it was possible to be ace and still have a relationship.
Asexuality is just for the sex part of things; I do feel romance but no sexual attractions 🙂 the contrary is called aromantic (so no romantic feeling).
But yes! Just like we can have sex without feeling any attractions, some aromantic people can choose to have romance anyway. (There’s a spectrum of sex avoidant, sex repulsive, sex neutral, sex positive- we don’t all fall on the same range.)