Helloo!
As we grow older, we will inevitably go through things that feels life shattering; the end of something truly bigger.. but life goes on.
One of the best traits of humans to me is how we can get used to anything- ofcourse that can be both positive or negative.
❥ No longer having childhood homes
I believe this one stung the most because both houses had been built by my grandfathers, both gone after three decades of life.
The first one was my maternal grandmother’s house; she had gave it to my uncle – they were living upstairs and she was downstairs. Unfortunately they couldn’t pay it anymore do they moved to my uncle’s wife’s parents while my grandmother went to live on her plot of land in the middle of the woods.
My paternal grandparent’s house is technically still in the family.. but as it’s now my aunt’s after my grandma’s passing, it’s not the same. We have to let her know whenever we wanna go (fair), but it’s mainly unhabited now and the soul of the house is gone. Funnily, I keep dreaming about both houses.. The only one remaining is my godmother’s, that my dad & her ex-husband refurbished when I was like 10- but it just doesn’t feel the same. Ithink it goes even beyond the feeling of not having anywhere to go, but also what happened to my grandma.. to have her secluded in her shack in the woods. Her place is even smaller than my own house! No electricity, internet or water.
❥ Healing from mental/physical ailments
A good one to show it’s not all bad; Often our brain forget chuncks of bad patches to save us. We went through years of pain with mother’s dialysis, currently enjoying the “peace” (ofc more complicated than that, still bad stuff related to that) of her new kidney, I gotta say I forgot how it felt. I can tell you I was taking care of her all my teens and felt so helpless.. but I only got flashes. I can’t relate to it anymore
Similarly, my very own mental health downfall barely feel like mine anymore. It’s like looking in through a window- there’s no emotion attached.
❥ losing parts of yourself
Mostly related to the prior points- at times I get to grieves the younger me, the one before life got hard. Not necessarely better on all points, as omg I was a firecracker! But some traits that I lost along the way.
❥ Experiencing changes of jobs
Especially if you’ve been there for a while – like my 8yrs at the Café, it does feel like a part of yourself. We know it’s for the better and we’ll be fine, but we will look behind us once in a while.
❥ Losing a loved one/animal
Grief isn’t linear. You never fully heal from it either, I just cried my grandpa last july when they had been gone for over a decade.. You just learn to live with their absence. Animal deaths are particularly rough – arguably even more, as a LOT of people doesn’t take it seriously, so we don’t get to live our grives peacefully.
❥ Relationship changing with people who used to be favorites
As we grow older, we tend to lose people.. but it’s especially harder when they stay, but the relation isn’t as it used to be. My godmother for exemple has always been one of my favorite relative, and since she got her divorce, she’s more colder towards us., even mother found a difference. One of my cousin was my bestfriend growing up, I was babysitting her in the summer- and now we don’t speak at all.. she’s haunting my dreams though, where we are still playing Polly Pockets like good old time 😭
I have been fortunate not to have lost my parents yet, and some moments do feel greater than others; Remember that we will get through them. However, I feel like this is all little grievings that we can’t necessarily talk about.