Good morning,
For me, writing as always been a way to express myself and makes me feel better – and although you guys didn’t really knew Sheik like my dachshund group for exemple, I still want to share my grief journey with you guys.
Related; My life just shattered, Books to help you through grief
Sheik was 11 when I had to put her down, Which is roughly the same amount of years we had my mother’s dog growing up (the second passed at 10yo); not only was it sudden because of health problems, but she was also my youngest senior, her brother being 12, I kept telling myself that I was gonna miss some things when this is over, but never in a million years would I had imagined she would be the first.
While having had dogs before, and currently having three animals, this was my first time having to take the decision – the ones prior being my parents responsability.
While she had a heart problem, we had been dealing with chronic lungs issues since our vacation last year when we got the big fires and the smoke. Since then we put her on a lot of antibiotics in the course of the year, even more so on the last 3months. We’re talking an additionnal 10k for antibiotics, xrays, her 5days ER visits… knowing that I was fortunate enough to be able to pay her what she needed as I stay at my parents house and don’t do much besides going to work, to the vet & to the petstore for them.
The monetary toll for her passing also has an additional $700 for the ER to give her the solution to put her to sleep (as it was yet again 10pm at night when her episode started where she couldn’t breathe), and another $250 at our vet to have her incinerated and keep her ashes.
As you should know if pets are also part of your family, the toll isn’t only monetary .. despite having other animals to help me through my grieving, it also means our whole daily routines changes. She was the foodie of the gang, and my talkative one – Her brother barely barks, and nobody is as excited as she was to eat. Their cat brother didn’t even wake me up in the morning to eat anymore!
She was also a ball-fanatic, where she would constantly bark high-pitched at us to throw it. There’s no longer anyone barking when i’m doing Kafei’s nails, nobody barking when I try to go read outside.. The emptiness of the space she once held feels massive to me right now. I’m only glad that she didn’t had to live without her brother, as she didn’t experienced a life without Kafei- and won’t have to now; whenever they were together she was my tough girl protecting her smaller big brother, but alone she became stressed and unlike herself.
I’m also glad that both of the boys don’t seems to take it too badly, it had been worst when we had brought her to the ER. I had read they need to see the corpse for them to realise their sibling is no longer here.. so that’s what I did. I brought her home and tried to get them to sniff .. but they didn’t really wanted to do anything with it, keeping their distance. Furthermore when I was crying with her in my arms in her last hours, Kafei was licking my tears while completely ignoring his sister.. like many things, I believe that they knew.
Now that she’s gone, we also have to get rid of her things.. Again, i’m fortunate to have another dog so most things can be used by him. I had to throw her dry food as he’s on a urinary brand, I also had to get a refund on her wet food cans at the petstore (that we used for her meds). A lot of her things, harness and balls included, I ended up keeping in the container that once held her dry food in my room. I plan to hold onto her ashes until her brother passes aswell, as they were constantly glued together, and mix both of their ashes in a jewelry of some sort.
Ofcourse she was also on medication.. and I didn’t wanted to bring it to get it destroyed, as I know the cost and somebody else could use it you know? her Vetmedin got passed to one of our dachshund rescues that we are a part of, and I’m trying to sell her oxygen chamber to give their inhaler on Marketplace for $20 less; as it was still $95 on amazon, so i’m thinking somebody that has less means that we do could be grateful. (She only used it for 2weeks, and ofcourse I washed it with soap prior.
During the last year she thre mucus all over the place.. the bittersweet moment of cleaning it up one last time, which sounds crazy, but I find it difficult to get rid of the last « pieces » of her she left. Including the backseat of the car, the living room curtains, the bed spreads, the marks on the floor.. When we think of their departure, it’s small things like this that we don’t quite anticipate.
Grief isn’t linear, and I do believe that there’s a red thread linking all of us together.. i’ll get to see her again one day on the other side. I know for sure I will never forget her, as one of the dogs that saved my life.
Say something 💕