What anxiety doesn’t want you to know.. 😔

Hey there my lovelies!

So, upon looking at this post’s title, you might be a little lost.. why would I post about this right now? Well.. I wanted to post you another off topic sunday, yet I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to speak about this or to do a “all about my dachshunds 2.0”. And then I falled on a post talking about what anxiety really feels like .. and it gave me the push needed to wanting to reach out and pour my soul onto this post.

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Before anything, let me explain where I come from.. I have been diagnosed by a professionnal in having medium/borderline severe anxiety and depression 4years ago – I was 19.

My personnal peak of thoses “two for the price of one” mental illnesses rose from a bad workplace where my boss was bullying me in a way, which lead me to quit and it went down from there .. me and my dad have the same bullhead strong opinions, and when I was younger we would make sparks- my mother needing to calm us down before shit were to happen. I’m telling you this, because what was my red flag that something was happening is in fact that; I wasn’t able to anymore. Every. Word. Was took to heart and I couldn’t even dare say anything back or else I would start crying.. which obviously wasn’t how I was. And that really scared me, big time.

Now yes, it is an external source. However, I’ve dealt with uneasy stuff before that; health complication from my mother, seeing her go through every thing that could had go wrong – many, many surgeries, almost losing her to an infection… and way later, having an organ transplant. That was just enough. Also, when I was younger I remember now having trouble getting my breath- like if breathing is a wheel, i wasn’t able to “finish the weel” if it makes sense ? With what I know now, thoses where probably panic attacks.

Coming back to where my mental health started going downhill, my parents pressured me to go see a psychologist. Obviously I fought, as only crazy people go there, right? Wrong.

I finally gave up and went for a first time; at 19years old I was so afraid I legit started crying and shaking .. and if you knew how many young kids we saw in my 6months of therapy … unreal! Many were also adults and students. Some were even police officers. My bestfriend is a pharmaceutic technician and she used to told me; “Kristina, if you knew how many people come to get antidepressant … don’t worry! You’re not crazy..”

I still cannot believe it, but I was so low that yes- I did thought of ending my life quite a few times.. but as silly as it may sounds, what made me NEVER act on it was my dachshunds. I just couldn’t bare thinking of them having to be without me, their mothers! I had passes where all I wanted to do was throwing myself on the ground and cry hysterically. But I couldn’t.

Skipping parts and forwarding to today, I finally found the right medication for me ; which contraception pills were also needed, as my silly brain just couldn’t handle it’s own hormones apparently 🤭 and when I went back to see my family doctor, he told me something that left me speachless. He told me THE validation I needed and hit me right in the face. He said that what I went through is usually seen in older woman than me, in their 50s, upon entering their menopause. Do you understand ? I, at only 19, at the beginning of my life, went through what others goes at the end of theirs.. and I haven’t even started living yet..

 

I apologize for the long rambling there, but now that you know a part of what I went through.. let’s hop onto what anxiety/depression doesn’t want you to know! ;

1) PLEASE reach out for help. I promise you you aren’t annoying nor insignifiant. I do care, alot of us do! And you are not alone in your fighting.. so is a few of us.

2) Errors is okay. That’s how you learn – by making mistakes. I’m still learning that one myself, as I tend to panic every time I make a mistake at work.. since I’ve been thaught making errors lead to boss yelling at me ..

3) I know this is cliche, but things DOES get better. Iknow, I couldn’t see it either when I was in that state.. but now that I am better, it blows me away that I did went through that – and I am much happier than I ever been.

4) Anxiety is loud and is totally able to yell in your ears .. but please, try your best not believing what it says .. you are worth so much more. And YES you can do it ! You can push through everything in your path. I promise.

5) Take care of your mind and your body. Do some things for YOU, what YOU wanna do – you don’t always need to be what others want you to nor want you to do. This is YOUR life, and both of theses is important. Rest is also needed, if that’s all you can do than so be it. One thing at the time, as long you are still breathing.

6) being medicated isn’t a bad thing. Of course it does help much better alongside therapy, but to each their own. Do not let anybody tell you otherwise; if you want it and it makes you feel better, take them. Somes will try to say it makes you addictive to them, but you know what? So are they, only difference here is their brain is making that substance you need for you brain to function properly, but yours doesn’t.

7) attached to the no.6, don’t be discouraged if the first three isn’t for you. There’s MANY different kind out there, im sure you can find something for you – maybe another type is needing aswell, like me and my hormones problem I had.

8) you aren’t weak or bad at life. Thoses demons are real and life is though, for all of us .. don’t belittle yourself nor your problems because someone has it worst or seems to handle it better than you. Focus on yourself and how to make your own situation better.

9) yes, even in 2018 somes just don’t understand and will do everything to say its in your head or it isnt real. Dont listen to them – it is very real, I can assure you, and you know what? Fuck them. They doesn’t need to agree to it, it isn’t your role to educate nor correct them. All you need to do is take care of you and know that you understand something that they don’t. And hopefully life will get to bite their arse later .. 😏

 

Know that I am here for every and each of you who needs me. You can contact me over at my twitter or my tumblr, just shoot me a message and I will listen to you. However, I cannot guaranty to be able to reply right away; as I do need sleep and work .. but I will as soon as I can and we will have a talk. Or just tell me if you only need a way to get it out and I will listen to you. No need to apologize either, I’ve been through it, I know how it gets and I won’t judge anything – I just want you to be safe and sound.

Also excuse me if this is long and all over the place, I’m writing this at 2am while this will be posted in 8hours.. I wasn’t originally going to do this, but I needed to speak with my heart tonight..

 

If you’ve been through this aswell, do you have any other things you wanna say to us as to what anxiety doesn’t want you to know? Lets share some love ! Xx