When you forget what anxiety felt like ..
As everyone knows, seasonal depression is among us; arriving very soon as we’ll change to winter clocks next week! (France and maybe UK? Already did.)
In recent years, I’ll admit that I’ve been getting more of depression episodes since I’m properly medicated.
A topic that I’ve talked about a lot over here; the random feeling of dread, or just.. not being well mentally. The urge to burrow under my covers and not move for the next 24hours. I know what that’s like, we can distract through the phase and we’ll be fine again.
However, despite having being diagnosed with anxiety too- this one I had rarely seen. Lately I can say that I’ve got two attacks- which, ok fair, with Sheik being sick we did went trough a lot. We’ve been on our nerves for a month; though she’s clearly better now, she did look in bad shape in the beginning.
Mother took it really hard aswell, she went as far as not eating, so much as she was rotten of worries. I get it, in this case, the anxiety is for a good cause. Anyone else would feel that way too, it relates to something.
When also, not really? As it’s nothing in relation with my dog at all. I’d get random bouts where it’s like I have this to-do list in my head… and I forget what I’m supposed to be checking. Like something’s missing but idk what. Sounds ridiculous, but it makes me unravel and spinning trying to figure out what I’m missing, what I should be doing, what I’m forgetting.. it’d even bring me to hyperventilate if I let myself getting carried away.
The best part? Nothing. I’m not missing anything, and even if I was- it’s not that big of a deal that I couldn’t ship on the next day. Or hell even the next week.
As I’m more used to the depression now, it takes me a while of reeling to understand what’s happening. Trying to be conscious of my breathing and make my brain “let go” of the list. Often times I need to tell myself to STOP aloud (not even just in this situation).
Younger me used to wake up in the night and still being inside my dream, not being fully conscious. I’d get up and follow whatever I was suppose to do in the dream, where my mind would catch up a few moments later like “wait a minute..” and realise I’ve been fully awake. This feels exactly like that!
Do you find yourself having one on top of the other & more “dominant” too?