Breaking up with the idea of him
good morning!
I’ve been wanting to talk about breaking up for quite a while now (actually, since it happened… few months ago now), without actually having *quite* the words for it.
I think i’m ready now to finally talk about all that, sharing some pieces of mind -and because I love to overshare-
Break ups are generally tough times no matter what, and in a way I believe I was “luckier” than some.. just because what broke us was that we were each at the other side of town, with no car (I couldn’t even drive back then), and our work schedules was always in the way of the other’s.. so we could barely see each other! Sure we were talking on discord.. but yeah – no contact can be kinda dull, and we were not really “in” for a long-distance type thing from the start.
So when you think about it, I was already used to not being with him; so that kind of saved me in a way. Though the idea of what I couldn’t have anymore and not talk to him was the hardest. And yeah I cried a decent bit -even WHILE I was working.. just on and off- . But as he said he still cared immensenly for me and wanted to stay friend, just needed a little time to “transition”… I kinda hung onto that probably more than I should’ve.
Of course I can’t tell what goes on in the other person’s head, but it faded pretty quickly xd I was, per usual, the one to ask how he was doing and still worrying about his health while he didn’t asked back how I was. Maybe a month or two ago I transitionned onto deleting him off my facebook and some of our pictures.. I still kept some because well, I looked pretty damn good in them 🤣 and there might be some things I’ll never see again, like our vacation in Newfoundland, with the Cap’tain Dildo!
One thing that did me wrong though, is that I kept him on my snap *just in case* he might’ve want to reach for me.. and okay, yeah, maybe I was posting some things in my story JUST SO he could see it- which is NOT in any way healthy. But ithink i’m ready to delete him off that too, now.. as it’s clear as day that he probably doesn’t care; and when you think about it.. why should he be allowed to still “snoop into” and see what I was doing?? Hell- you don’t wanna take news from me, well that’s fine, out you go.
With this pandemic going on, I see that well- fate does exist. I’m honestly glad that we broke when we did and didn’t came into this mess together. Could you imagine how much harder this would’ve been??! Not only restricted by our work schedules, but even by law too! Because well.. pandemic.
It wasn’t in vain either, as I learned some things that I now know was unacceptable and that I don’t want to have in future relationships; how much of a closer look I shall take to be sure it’s not a toxic relationship – some things I didn’t even registered wasn’t okay while I was in it.. and of course listen to the dogs. ALWAYS. Sheik’s behavior and his towards them should’ve rang a bell and I should’ve had act on it, immediately. No matter how “pitty” it sounds. Thoses dogs saved my life, they aren’t going nowhere, no «I know but..» will be tolerated anymore. And well.. I sure need to balls to stand my ground too xd
Like many things, it is a hard time to pass.. but like all things, it will pass. ❤️ I can’t say that i’m totally over him even now.. just passing a picture of him or something still leave a “Pang” in my heart and tug at it. But i’m on my way to healing – and hoping someone better will show up on my path.
It’s unbelievable how many things can change in a year.. it’s all thoses things that you got used to and now gotta let go — but it’s doable! What I needed to remind myself for a while was this tumblr post I’ve seen, probably years ago now, that says “You were fine before him, you’ll be fine after him too”. Although I don’t quite remember the exact line, it was something in that range xd basically that your partner wasn’t everything and if you could do it before you met him.. you’ll be able to afterward aswell.
I’m also super grateful for my friend, because one of my thought has been “omg, so many things that I now loved and lost”.. and he said; “no, that’s not true. They are yours now, you can still enjoy them; that person doesn’t have the monopole of THAT particular thing, many other people in the world enjoy it too.” and omg did I needed that. I’ll admit that at first, yeah it was painful as my memory had still him attached with them.. but it’s true, Thoses things that he showed me are mine now, and hell i’m gonna run away with it! 😉
“…and of course listen to the dogs.”
^^^ ALWAYS. Dogs are your biggest tell if the person is good for you or no because the dog only wants whats best for their owner. I’ve been in one relationship in my life, it lasted all of 3 months, during my last year of secondary school and it was a whirlwind. It wasn’t…really what I was expecting that being said I am still friends with them. Some people are only meant to be a friend, other people come into our lives to teach us things and then leave, at least that’s the approach I’ve taken.
The worst is i Know that! We always said to trust the dogs… but what was wierd is that Kafei was always GLUED on him, following everywhere and all- while Sheik looked… odd. She wasn’t trusting as much and side-eyed him, also wouldn’t jump on the bed when he was there until HE said it was okay. I kinda brushed it as her being the baby now, thus not used to losing « her place », while kafei learned to share the attention already when sheik came around. 🤦🏽♀️
Omg, how wierd that me too!! Before Alex, I had my first « not intimate yet » boyfriend in last year of high school 😂😂 and he left me shortly after our 3 months ahahah both if them didn’t remained friends though (this one said he would- but radio silence since so whatever)