Having a mid-life crisis..
Hello everyone,
I don’t always think about my age, age is just a number and all that, but realizing that I only has TWO YEARS left until my thirties had me spiraling 😳
(Well, A year really, but my birthday is only in december so..)
While I do know I have undiagnosed ADHD, I keep thinking that there’s something else that might be going on in there.. I feel so behind in my head than everyone else ?? My mental age is 20, 23 maximum – the fact that my body is soon-to-be 29 years old is mindblowing to me!
The societal pressure is high in my mind.. It’s so hard to erase and let go of it completely. Yes, iknow it is very different in this time and age than it was, the housing market is CRAZY; and anyway, it’s the norm elsewhere in the world, what is so bad about staying with your parents? My uncle did stay with my grandma’s and is now staying with his in-laws, at 45 years old, but to me it’s different! because they live on a different floor, and it’s an appartment-build like where they have a kitchen and they can buy their own groceries and cook their own food..
Theoretically, I could buy my own stuff and cook for myself – but why do so when I don’t need to, and my parents always cook for a whole family? Plus an extra 2-3 meals for lunch? My mother is the kind of woman that want to do EVERYTHING 😅 Her love language is very much act of service: so she’ll clean my clothes, make my lunches, etc. As of which is good for me, as I don’t need to pay groceries just my animal’s food, gas *when she let me pay it*, and a minor rent.
I don’t even like to live alone.. even with my 3 animals, it’s just not the same, it depresses me. I’m paranoid of living with someone else other than family or a boyfriend, as nowadays you never truly know someone.. and frankly i’m afraid that they’d hurt my babies behind my back 😬 You never know eh- atleast with my mother, Iknow she love them as much as I do, and it’s a free babysitter ahah! She needs us as much as we do, as dad is always working away, she’d be alone weeks at a time – she can’t afford to have any more pets, so she’s borrowing mine.
Added to that how i’m only a barista, while i’m technically above minimum wage by a few bucks, it’s still not enough to live on my own. On one point you can say it’s my fault for having 3 animals, but A)they saved my life and B)..it’d still be way above my paycheck anyway 😝 The rent alone would be about what I get biweekly- add the gas, food, phone bill, medications and everything else, it’s not even enough.
Yes iknow that someone has to do it, we very much need adults too to work when the students can’t.. and it’s an honest job; but at the same time I still have no idea what I wanna do with my life- that’s scary! I don’t really have any passions, or something that I really wanna do, heck I never even had a dream job growing up.. that’s the scary part of being mentally sick so young, I didn’t planned i’d still be here at 30. That can be a bit dark but that’s how it is- I was stuck trying to survive the moment, I wasn’t in the planning mode for the future, because why would I do that?
Ironically, I don’t feel any pressure about being child-less – which is like the only good thing 😅 Having no boyfriend helps a little, but furthermore, i’ve read people talking online how many of us second-guess ourselves not wanting them because we never had positive childless woman persona in medias.
I have been lucky to have had my godmother. While never wanting kids, she was still my favorite person growing up and she was always so good to me, I would’ve had never guessed. Ofcourse as a kid she’d get tired and wanted to return me back to my mother or wouldn’t had wanted to have me being sick- but she still very much loved me.
Did you got a mid-life crisis already?
What are things that helped you center yourself?