Reminder; Medication doesn’t eradicate the mental disorder

Whenever you start taking new medications for a mental illness, we usually tell you not to jump conclusion that “it’s cured!” after suddently feeling better, and proceed to stop the treatment.. (though it *can* be accomplished, it does take time and need to be working with a health professional!! Never on your own!!)

Many of us will take the sign that we’re getting better as a sign that the disorder’s gone.. but it isn’t the case at all. This is the medication doing it’s job. The pills are solely a tool for us to help cope with the disorder better, not making it disappear.

(I’d lie if I said I didn’t fell in the trap, wanting to stop them before..)

As for every other humans out there, even with the help of medication, we shall always have good days & bad days. The difference is our bad days is much less severe and/or often than it used to be.

Since i’ve upgraded my medications because of covid (from 225mg to 300), it’s true that I do feel generally so much better! The stress of being overworked in orders at work with limited hands is less effective on me, making so that I can keep my cool and deal with it so much longer.

However.. with the sudden peak in incoming covid cases in my province after the pass to the green phase [living through a pandemic with my immunocompromised mother], I’ve been more of an anxious mess lately. Middle of the nights are especially more emotive and chocking for me .. to the point i’d almost wanna skip the world entirely and remain at home definately. (Though we all know i’m not build for that and to not be working)

I got vividly remembered how paralyzing anxiety can be, even maintained to lower level with medication, and how this is NOT “normal stress” regular people go through. Stress doesn’t eat you alive to the point it affect your whole rest of the day- stress takes it’s leave once the experience is over, and is far less intense.

In the moment, mother had been with me, pushing me to go do the thing I was supposed to do (which threw me even more down the gutter) — She didn’t understood how I felt inside.. suddently a big weight on my chest, and chocking with an intense feel to just wanna burst out crying uncontrollably. Only thing that she could see is my irritability, not what was underneath.

The whole thing being triggered by not finding the place we were supposed to go 30mins before it closed, aswell as the huge peak in covid cases (40 in two days) which put even more weight on my shoulders. The only way I could explain on the question «Why are you so anxious?» was «Everything.» Which wasn’t enough for mother..

Finally, she grasped the severity of it as I lost control a bit and had my voice shaking from wanting to cry — and agreed to drive us back home. The attack stopped increasing from that point, but I was still paralyzed for a few hours after that.. not feeling able to do what I needed like my yoga & shower.

It is possible to still have anxiety and/or panic attacks while medicated, however they’d be much more smaller or not last as long.. This one happens to be my most important one since I’ve been properly medicated, and it just slapped me in the face by how greater it was.

Despite all that? I know my medication is still right for me, we are indeed in trying times with how the past years have been full of negativity.

Related; Managing my crisis; ignoring the thoughts, My anxiety comfort items, You will always matter, Recovery relapses

Be kind to yourself ❤️