Living with depression; the occasional « party pooper »

It seems like I mostly talk about my anxiety over here, or the anxiety/depression combo.. when however my depression is very much a thing on it’s own.

Just like anxiety, depression can decide to show it’s face at random times where nothing is actively “wrong”.. sometimes it can correlate with the outside weather (such like what we call seasonal depression; when it’s dark and gloomy out) or sometimes it might not.

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A couple days ago, last friday, I was at our staff party. It had a barbecue, a really nice pool, a bonfire & a musician; not only reuniting my particular café staff, but also all the other three cafés my boss owns, aswell as the gas station. We were maybe 30-35 people there.

Considering I had a couple drinks, despite being on medication, this had not helped the situation at all — but it’s not solely the alcohol, as it does and can still happen on it’s own..

 

I reached the point during the party where you sadly just get overly.. « grounded ». It’s like you’re detatching yourself from the party and you become aware of how the others are seemingly having fun, talking/laughing with each other aswell as drinking and dancing.. and you just stand there a bit dull feeling like you aren’t truly a part of it and all that you wanna do is go back home under your covers.

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m just.. not able to have fun anymore; or anyway not that easily than I used to. While feeling lonely whenever i’m on my own, I don’t feel like being part of things like that either – which is kinda ironic 🙃

 

Have you ever felt like that too?
What do you do in thoses situations?