When it runs in your blood.. and not a YOU problem
When your mental illness falls in the category of those created by an imbalance in chemicals rather than related to a specific circumstance, it’s possible that it’s actually been passed down to you from your genes.
While we feel alone in the world in the start, we may actually not be that alone as we thought.. with someone closer to us that we’d imagine; because of course, it’s not something we’d know right away.
My diagnostic of anxiety & depression has dropped in 2015 -can’t believe it’s been 5years already- and even back then, I was having suppositions that I actually had grown with it; although yes, it probably had worsened to the point where I needed medication because of that situation.
I get flashbacks of situations as a kid where it’s clear to me that it was indeed anxiety/depression — but sadly it’s not something we really “knew” back then.
I remember having random bouts where I couldn’t finish my breath properly out of nowhere as I was playing.. but mom always shrugged me off saying it was fine. Now she’s regretting it, wishing we’d had reaching for help earlier.. But as it’s still kinda taboo in 2020, imagine in the 90/00’s!
Years later being treated, it had occured to me that two of my cousins’ on my dad side are struggling with the same conditions; one from my generation, and of of the generation after me.
It always made sense that my dad had anger issues.. but what didn’t crossed my head, is that now he’s having more panic attacks and irritability as he get older. My mother’s brother also struggle with the same things as I do.
In a way, i’m happy that so many relatives can relate with me and all that.. but in another way it absolutely floored me to be aware that it was indeed a family thing. As you cannot get away from that – i’m trapped, it will always remain in my genes. Should I change my mind about having kids, i know now that it’d most probably will be in theirs too.
Having it be potentially hereditary, it makes it even more important for me to speak up and be open about our struggles. Knowing and being able to speak about our issues with a close family member can really change things- as we can definately know that there’s nothing like talking with someone who just knows!
My mother and bestfriend really tried and was there for me when I needed it.. but sometimes it’s even more tiring to hear the same things that, it’s just clear they haven’t really felt nor understood it.